


Moirallegiance is Science

by oreCarina



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adorkable, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Friendship, Gayest Fanfic I Ever Wrote, Gen, Hilarity Ensues, Hivebent, I Don't Even Know, It's Hard and Nobody Understands, M/M, Other, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, The Best Kind Of Ship Is Friendship, Waste of Time, Weird Time Shit, strange moirails
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2017-12-27 15:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/980776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oreCarina/pseuds/oreCarina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would happen if Tavros and Eridan actually met and became moirails?</p><p>Things take an interesting turn after Vriska decides to go full-on flushed for the bronzeblood. Eventually, white lightning, black flames, Grimdarkness, white science, and the Ascension of a so-called "expendable character" ensue, among other unforseen shenanigans. And meanwhile, the sexual tension that ensues between Andrew Hussie and an author avatar. Okay, maybe. </p><p>Read the goddam story already, asswaffle!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> It is STRONGly recommended that you read the following warnings:  
> SWEARING: It's Homestuck, go figure. I try to keep it to a minimum while still maintaining a canon vibe, but when you have characters like Karkat, Eridan and Gamzee, some language is inevitable. Don't like it? Fuck you!  
> BUCKETS: Eridan is a main character, so while they are often mentioned (though not quite in the way you'd expect), none are actually...used.  
> CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Duh!  
> SYMPATHETIC POV: First, I am against the abject woobification of Eridan Ampora to the exclusion of his capacity to be a douche. Second, I hate Vriska with a sable passion, but I will not paint her as a total HUGE 8ITCH and nothing else. However, I'm not afraid to show that characters are complex and have many facets.   
> BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL: Mwahahahahahaha!
> 
> Okay, well that's everything. Or not...
> 
> Yes, this pairing, for all intended purposes, is crack. And quite a few people severely doubt this one can even work out. But keep in mind, these characters are complex. If anything, I _want_ you to assume that Eridan is a pail-mongering drama queen, and I _want_ you to see Tavros as a weak, shy, stuttering wallflower who will break under pressure. Why? Because **I want to prove you wrong!**
> 
> tl;dr: Read the damn fanfic for God's sakes. And leave a frickin' comment, will you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all going so well for you, wasn't it?  
> Whoever thought that a sea dweller could be so familiar with the feeling of drowning?

A young troll steps out of his hive and into the blinding lights of his land in the INCIPISPHERE. There is no sun in the white sky, or any clouds to speak of, only a few dark silhouettes that glide by in the air above. Tall temples (or buildings, or castles, or maybe hives) tower around him on all sides, seeming to give off a light of their own in places. Light is a very dismal thing for one of his species, being nocturnal, and daytime being connected to the undead and the blistering sun of his home planet.

==>You are the troll. It's you.

Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA.

You opine the game mocks your failures as of late, showing you this sterile, empty planet devoid of clouds and shade, the same way your life is devoid of hope.

She just broke up with you. You're still trying to let it sink in. In fact, the glaring light of your planet is really the _other_ reason your eyes sting. Yeah, you took the break-up in stride. Really, she was all you had - your moirail, whom you hoped was going to be your matesprit. Now, your quadrants look as bleak and empty as this goddam planet. Of course, this is far from your sole concern. It seems that the fear and respect you once garnered from your status on Alternia has given way to scorn and ridicule. This isn't helped in the slightest by the fact that people see you as a bit of a tool.

==>Eridan: Go back inside.

And oh by the way, you don't know it yet, but some pretty weird stuff is about to happen to you.

==>Be someone else.

You are now TAVROS NITRAM.

You kind of wish you weren't right now, because Vriska is your server player.

That's rough, buddy.

You have a conversation with Vriska that starts out like this:

AT: i THINK THIS, iS,  
AT: pROBABLY MEANT TO ANTAGONIZE ME,

And ends up with this:

AG: You don't need help from your lame 8ull fairy. He is only holding you 8ack.  
AT: hE'S MY FRIEND,  
AG: God. You're pathetic.  
AG: This is getting frustrating  
AG: Why did I have to get stuck with the cripple? Just my luck.  
AG: Do you have any idea how inconvenient this is? Do you have any sympathy for what I'm dealing with here?  
AT: uHH,

"Wait, what is she saying?"

"Tinkerbull, it's...sort of a personal thing..."

" **What** is she saying?"

"Okay...she...she says you're holding me back,"

AG: Tavros, are you even listening?

"It truly bothers me that she's around you,"

"I know,"

"She's already crippled you,"

"Yeah, but...I, can't really think of how, to get rid of her,"

AG: Tavros, quit ignoring me 8efore I drop a load-g8per on your head!

"Uhh..."

"I want you to complete your quest, and I’m tired of seeing you get hurt. That girl is a serious danger to your safety"

"Heh, I'm fine, really,"

AG: Hey toreadead8eat........  
AG: Look up. :::;)

After reading those two lines, you do. Oh, hey look, a floating toilet!

AT: uH, vRISKA?  
AT: iS THAT,,,  
AG: Yes, it is a toilet.  
AG: I warned you a8out this Tavros.  
AG: 8ut I guess you just weren't listening to me. ::::)  
AT: oH GOG,  
AT: vRISKA, yOU WON'T, wILL YOU,  
AG: I dunno, I'm not so sure I can hold it for much longer.  
AG: May8e if you, say, got out of your four-wheeled device and crawled away, you miiiiiiiight not get hurt.  
AT: vRISKA,  
AT: pLEASE DON'T,,,  
AG: Uh-oh, my **arachnid’s grip** is sliiiiiiiipping........

==>Be Vriska

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

GA: Vriska What Are You Doing

You are now Vriska. And GA wants to know what you're doing.

AG: Just........helping out torea8ore get through his first G8!  
GA: Look Up

You do. Hey, it's a floating toilet!

AG: What the........Kanaya, why are you doing this?  
GA: Are You Sure Youre Helping Him Like You Say You Are  
AG: Yes!  
AG: I m8de all these ramps for him and everything!  
AG: So I'm just……..giving him a little motiv8tion to hop to it.  
AG: Or crawl to it, in his case.  
GA: Did You Threaten To Drop A Load Gaper On His Head  
AG: Shit! That lousy little snitch! He told you, didn't he?  
GA: Well I Did Receive Word From Him But The Circumstances Were A Bit Odd To Say The Least  
AG: XXXX(  
AG: I swear the little 8astard's gonna pay for this.  
AG: May8e I should take away his computer so he can't go crying to fussyfangs anymore.  
GA: Maybe I Should Upend This Load Gaper Over Your Head  
AG: No w8!  
AG: Kanaya this is wrong!  
GA: Im Still Learning The Interface  
GA: It Could Happen Accidentally At Any Moment  
AG: Kanaya, this is so unfair!  
GA: What Youre Doing To Him Is Unfair  
AG: I'll dr8p it on him if y8u dr8p it 8n me.  
GA: If You Upend The Load Gaper On Tavros You Will Get This One Upended On You Too

You then engage in a very bizarre Mexican standoff with toilets. It is now a question of whether one of you will slip up or perhaps just drop it intentionally.

Except it is totally one-sided! You have a load-gaper floating over your head, and Toreadum8ass has one floating over his head. Kanaya has no load-gaper threatening to be upended on her head! And they are both very clearly not on your side. This is so blatantly stacked against you it's not even funny.

==>Vriska: Call Kanaya out on this setup.

AG: This is c8mpletely unf8ir!  
AG: Y8u alw8ys t8ke his side! It's alw8ys a8out h8w I'm the one 8eing t88 mean to him, when all I'm doing is trying to help!!!!!!!!  
GA: Im Sure Your Intentions Are Well Meaning But Upending A Load Gaper On A Crippled Troll And Forcing Him To Crawl Up Several Flights Of Stairs Is A Dubious Method Of Help To His Cause At Best  
AG: He needs to 8uck up and quit 8eing so weak!  
GA: I Wont Dispute The Fact  
GA: But Dont You Think This Is A Bit Extreme And That Youre Working Counter Intuitively To Anything Conducive Of Better Self Confidence  
AG: N8 w8y! He's just too stu88orn to learn.  
GA: Whatever The Reason The Fact Remains That You Are Dangling A Heavy Object Over Your Client Player And If You Drop It On Him It Could Very Easily Incapacitate Him Or Worse  
AG: If he's got 8 neurons in his thinkpan, he'll get out of the wheelchair and not have to deal with that pro8lem.  
GA: Vriska Youre Being Unreasonable  
AG: I am not!!!!!!!!  
GA: Move The Load Gaper Away From Tavros And Let Go Of It  
GA: Otherwise I Presume Things For You Will Become Quite Troublesome  
AG: XXXXO  
AG: This is so unf8ir! This wh8le auspisticism is unf8ir!  
AG: Every time you t8ke his side. I'm alw8ys the 8ad guy here and no8ody gets anywhere with the rel8tionship!!!!!!!!  
GA: Yes  
GA: Ive Been Thinking About This Issue In Depth Lately And Perhaps We Ought To Address The Matter On A More Personal Level  
GA: Regarding My Own Problems With It Specifically  
AG: So you finally admit it!  
GA: Yes Vriska I Do  
GA: I Have Tried To Be A Fair Third Party In Our Auspisticism As Well As Our Moiraillegiance But I Confess Things Were Always Warped Because My True Feelings Were Slanted  
AG: You never had to tell me anything, Kanaya.  
GA: I Didnt  
AG: It is so 8l8tantly o8vious!  
GA: Really  
AG: You're flushed for Tavros, aren't you.  
GA: What

At that exact moment, the toilet comes crashing down right on you. You barely miss getting your brains squashed out by a toilet but still get your roboarm pinned underneath, while the contents spill all over you.

==>Be Tavros again.

You were just lucky enough to struggle out of your wheelchair just in time. But you guess Vriska got tired of waiting.

It's made a small crater in the floor of your respite block. You barely manage to crawl out of the way.

Of course, now you're on the floor, and likely there's some slime from the gaper on you that's splashed onto the back of your jacket, and your wheelchair's kind of wrecked now.

==>Be Eridan a few minutes ago.

The night is going so well. You managed to get your client player in the game and the two of you ended it smooth sailing. After some fussing around, that is. And Feferi wasn't too bad herself when she helped you get in. She had to rush though, because her client player was a lowblood and he was already feeling the effects of the Vast Glub. She was trying to get you in while working with him to get herself in. But after the proverbial smoke cleared, it was calm seas and sandy shores.

And then all at once, it all went down Charybdis and sank under the waves.

Feferi was different. To all the other trolls, who were almost always land-dwellers, you were Orphaner Dualscar, commanding fear and respect from those finless losers. Running through your veins was some of the richest, most noble blood the hemospectrum had to offer - kickass royal blood, penultimate and second only to the Tyrians. To them, the lowbloods, which compared to you was basically everyone, you were the part shark, part typhoon terror better known as Eridan fucking Ampora.

But to her, you were her loyal subject. Well, she didn't quite see it that way, but...you knew the deal. The land-dwellers had nothing on you. But she was heiress apparent to the throne of Alternia, and even without ascending the throne, she could cull you on sight without a second thought. But she insisted that you two were equals, and blood was just a color. You knew that wasn't true, and it wasn't just because of blood.

She made you feel different. Sometimes, that was almost a bad thing to you. But as an amphibious sea dweller, you only knew one person in all of Alternia who could ever make you feel like you might drown. You wanted to drown in her. And that's what you would tell her. The things you held in for so long would just pour out like a flood. Tonight was the night you would ask Feferi Piexis to be your matesprit.

CC: I t)(ink it is not really necessary for me to be your moirail anymore.  
CA: wwhoa  
CA: wwait  
CA: wwhat  
CC: 38(  
CC: I am really sorry, -Eridan. It )(as just been so )(ard looking after you and keeping you out of trouble!  
CC: It )(as taken its toll, and )(onestly I am really ex)(austed.  
CA: fuck  
CA: this isnt what  
CA: i dont knoww i wwasnt expectin this at all  
CA: im not sure i can handle this  
CC: I'm sorry!!! 38'(  
CC: It will be t)(e best for bot)( of us. We can just sort of be...  
CC: Regular friends instead. 

What's happening? This isn't how it was supposed to be! It was all going so well...no, this...this can't be happening. You're having a hard time breathing, and this time, you really, really don't feel like drowning. Because you're drowning in...it's not drowning in her...what is it then...?

CA: no  
CA: please dont  
CA: look im bein serious here dont do this  
CA: i wont even use my weird accent while i type ok so you know im bein really dead serious and honest about this  
CC: Uh...  
CC: Okay, I am being serious and honest too. SEE? 

Deep breaths. You've got this. You have to keep it together. 

CA: ok good  
CA: are you sure you arent bein hasty about this youve just been through a lot  
CA: i mean we are supposed to be fated to be moirails arent we  
CA: isnt that how it works  
CA: you cant just throw all that away cause youre sick of me  
CC: I am not sick of you, Eridan! I still really like you.  
CC: In order to be destined for moirallegience, both people have to be on board, don't you think?  
CC: But I cannot do it anymore. So I think it just wasn't meant to be all along.  
CC: And really, you just don't need me anymore. You are free to do as you wish! We both are.  
CC: I can't look after you anymore.  
CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME  
CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble  
CA: and really none of your fuckin business QUITE FRANKLY your majesty  
CA: and the only reason i put up with stickin my flipper in this fuckin shithole quadrant with you was  
CC: Was what? 

Should you tell her? You're really not in the kind of mood to do it now, after she just expressed her desire to not want to look out for you any longer and you just lost your shit. No, you need time.

CA: nevermind  
CC: Tell me! 

But she's always got a way of getting the most hidden feelings of yours out. She's quite dangerously persuasive.

CA: ok fine  
CA: i apologize for losin my shit over this i was just caught off guard is all  
CA: but maybe its a good thing really  
CA: actually i might a been proposin the same thing to be honest  
CC: Oh?  
CA: yeah  
CA: fef have you thought about  
CA: since you dont wanna be pale with me no more  
CA: the possibility a some other type of arrangement with me 

Just be calm. You can save this ship from sinking...it might not be sinking at all!

CC: What do you mean?  
CA: i mean  
CA: somethin a bit more  
CA: kinda reddish  
CA: like  
CA: brighter red 

God, you could have found a better way to say that! You facepalm at your own lack of eloquence. 

CC: 38O  
CC: No, I hadn't thought about it!  
CA: ok well what do you think about it  
CA: now that youre thinkin about it  
CC: Um...  
CC: I really don't know about that. 

At least she's not laughing at you...

CA: why not i thought you said you liked me  
CC: I do! But I don't know if it's really in that way. 

What? Okay, seriously...what? So she doesn't like you as a moirail, and she doesn't like you as a matesprit. So how _does_ she like you? With a side serving of wasabi and pickled ginger? 

CA: couldnt it be though  
CA: dont you think theres room in your collapsin and expandin bladder based aquatic vascular system for those feelins  
CC: I've never had a chance to consider anything like that! I have just spent all my time worrying about you and trying to keep you from killing everybody or hurting yourself.  
CC: It took all my energy.  
CC: I don't think I have anything left for those feelings either. 

That was the moment you felt a culling fork jam itself right in your chest. Is that really...all she saw in you? Were you just an anchor keeping her down? So were you just some burden to her all that time? It's like your whole world is being crushed from the weight of the sea...your fingers fly across your keyboard as emotion overtakes you before you can even think of what you're saying. You're heartbroken, devastated, and most of all furious. 

CA: oh god  
CC: What?  
CA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived  
CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin  
CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker  
CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody  
CA: im worse than anybody  
CA: EVERYBODY  
CA: all the bodies  
CC: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!  
CC: God.  
CC: Will you just clam up for once in your life?  
CC: Always carping and carping and carping!  
CC: You go completely overboard with your emotions, always looking to reel in drama wherever you can.  
CC: I am up to my gills in it! I just can't salmon the strength anemonemore. 

Oh no. She. Did. NOT.

Wow, she wasn't kidding - this _is_ how she sees you. A burden. A drama queen. All a cause of emotional exhaustion from emotional theatrics. That's all you are. You don't even bother holding back the tears anymore. 

CA: i cannot  
CA: BELIEVE  
CA: you are doin the fish pun thing while youre breakin up with me  
CA: real nice  
CA: whoops i mean REEL nice  
CC: HEHEHE, sorry.  
CC: But really, this shouldn't be as bad as it sounds.  
CC: When all is said and done, I am still your friend.  
CC: We have left our world behind. Everyone is dead, and there's no use in worrying about it now.  
CC: It's over! It is time to play this game and focus on building something new and ------EXCITING.  
CC: So )(ang in t)(ere, -Eridan.  
CC: I )(ave to go now! Sollux is in serious trouble, and I )(ave to go )(elp )(im.  
CC: BY------------------------E!  
CA: wwait  
CA: dont go

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CA: glub

You just stare at your screen for a few seconds, sniffling and open-mouthed, all before slamming your head into your keyboard and pounding your skull.

She's really, really gone. It's a weird thing when a sea dweller knows what it's like to drown. But right now, you're finding it hard to breathe.

==>Some minutes later...

You step outside, and are nearly blinded in the blinding white surrounding you. Light is a very scary thing to a troll, particularly if it's as eye-bleedingly bright as this. A part of you is wondering if this planet's light is at all like that of the blistering Alternian sun.

Good thing you have a pair of shades on hand.

That's better. Now you don't have to squint as much. You look around at this bleak landscape. Everything is a lonely, empty shade of white. The buildings - giant hives maybe? Or perhaps temples, you aren't sure - that rise up around you even give off their own light in places. You see the silhouettes of strange, winged figures flying through the sky above. They remind you a bit of the terrible harbingers of doom found in Alternian mythology. You ready your rifle, but then, you probably were looking for something to shoot anyway.

When one of the flying things swoops in close, you see it. _Exactly_ like the beings from Alternian mythology. 

Angels.

Well, it looks about high time you engaged in a little preemptive self-defense. Even though you are the only person in all of paradox space who could use such a term with a straight face unironically. But you're still pretty upset after being dumped, so I suppose I'll let it slide.

==>Eridan: Engage catharsis mode.

Yay, trigger therapy!

You hit a low-flying angel with a blast from your rifle. It did not even scratch it. But it seems to have succeeded in getting it really pissed off at you. Now it makes a hairpin turn in midair and speeds toward you. It's impossibly fast, you almost can't get it. 

Oh shit.

You hate this. You can't retreat now, there's no way! No, you have to keep firing at it. Maybe then it will die. How can your legendary AHAB'S CROSSHAIRS do jack shit against these things? This is a harpoon gun that shoots lightning! This bitch blows through fucking whales for god's sakes! What are these angels made of?!

Well it doesn't matter. Just hit it with more white lightning. For longer. Keep at it with sustained fire. It doesn't work.

==>Eridan: Abscond.

Fuck that! You're merely retreating for now. You'll be back. Okay, that technically counts as absconding. You don't care. You'll just duck behind a wall and wait. Let's see how long it'll take for this thing to die.

There it is. Here it - **HOLY SHIT THAT ONE CAME UP RIGHT BEHIND YOU!**

Fire at it. You hit it with your rifle and sustain fire for ten seconds. Twenty seconds. Thirty seconds. A full minute. Now, after continuous fire, it's finally a charred, lifeless heap. It lies limp in a pool of its own blood. Dark red blood.

All the more reason to shoot these bastards. You're reminded of what _she_ left you for.

You kill them, one after another, bright flashes of light radiating from your harpoon gun with each kill. It takes you so long for them to die, but after so many, it doesn't make a difference. You're furious. Why did she leave? Did she see you as inferior? Why were you just a burden? Didn't you keep her hands clean while she fed her lusus? Was that the only reason she stuck with you for so long? Where did you go wrong? Why didn't you see this coming? Is she with the mustardblood now? What makes him so great? What does he have that you don't? Fuck that guy. No...Fuck. Them. BOTH.

Angels die in your wake, and you step away from the carnage, still sad and alone. You're a lonely little boy. But you're also a killer. An orphaner. A force to be reckoned with. Not even angels stand a chance.

But you are still a brokenhearted boy asking where you went wrong. Killing doesn't help. Once you get back to your hive, you reach your respiteblock, look to your husktop screen, and see that last message, still a mocking reminder of the obvious; she's gone. She left. She doesn't need you. 

You collapse to your knees and begin to cry. 

"Wwhy Fef?" you ask, "Wwhy did you leavve me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to make some edits to this first chapter.


	2. Crashing In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a matesprit...back on a planet where you left her unconscious after a very horrific experience. You didn't mean to.
> 
> Where will you go?

Nothing was going well for you. At all. And then they got worse.

You had to run. Fly, actually. You had to fly out of there like it was no one's business because you're so afraid. You don't like being afraid, and quite frankly, neither does _she_. You spent a lot of that time afraid, right after you thought things were going to start being better for you both. You had no control, and you were scared. And now, all you know is that you finally got full control of yourself and found her passed out on the ground in front of you. Maybe you should've checked to see if she was at least okay before you booked it the hell out of there. But you were afraid.

You hate being afraid.

Your name is TAVROS NITRAM, and you are really confused. You also blew through so many Gates going through your own planet, then Gamzee's, then...Terezi's...and now, you're speeding through a planet full of weird candy-red rivers and streams.

And some things happened there. You won't tell anyone, but it sure was weird.

You wish you could say you're sorry. You won't even need to be manipul8ed, you'll gladly go back to her on your own if she asks. But you can't say you're sorry because you dropped your husktop. It's back on the Land of Sand and Zephyr, with her. 

==>Several planets later...(but not many)

You now traverse to the Land of Dew and Glass. It would certainly be wise to watch where you're going here, since there seems to be a lot of-

_**SMASH!** _

Um, whoops. A lot of gla-

_**KKKRAAAKKK!** _

Oh for pity's sake! How are you hitting so many things? You are like a -

_**CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!** _

...literal bull in a china shop. Maybe it's the horns that are the prob-...oh gog, that is very bad. You look down and see a lot of broken glass strewn in the dewy ground below. You really, really hope nobody steps on that shattered glass. And indeed a lot of it is thanks to your ridiculously huge horns. Anyone or anything that doesn't give them about three feet of clearance is going to take some damage.

==>Okay, find the Gate. Move on to the next planet.

Hopefully this next planet is less dangerous and much nicer. Maybe whoever's on that planet will be very nice and welcoming.

Tinkerbull, who has been trying to keep up with you the whole time, finally speaks up as he gains some ground...er, air, with you.

"Wait Tavros, you shouldn't go through here,"

"Wait, what?"

Oops, too late, you're in. The first thing you see is this blinding flash of light. This is also about the last thing you see because you're basically blind. That is very inconvenient. Now, we cannot see for certain through your eyes what is going on. Okay, well, at least your other senses are working.

You feel the rush of wind as you speed through this world, and feel yourself crashing through a wall. Or was it a ceiling? You are very disoriented and can't be sure which way is up. And suddenly you are propelled out of your rocket chair and onto the floor of a block.

Now everything seems like it's spinning, and on top of that, you're pretty hurt from the crash landing. Maybe it's just a few bruises, but it's not helping that everything's all blurry. Well okay, your eyesight seems to be coming back. A little, anyway. Still, it would be a real shame if someone were to try to hurt you while you are so vulnerable.

_**cha-CLICK** _

Oh shit.

You try to blink your eyes open to see who and what it is that has a gun pointed at you, but all you can make out is a dark, tall looming mass of blue, black, gray and purple. For a moment, neither of you speaks. But you try to say something...

"Uh..."

"Givve me one reason wwhy I shouldn't just kill you noww,"

And thus was the start of a beautiful friendship.


	3. At Least You're Not Alone

"Um...can you not? Please?"

A palpable silence falls over the block. The moment lies dead on the floor of your block.

Also, you are the one pointing a weapon at the other troll. I'd tell you your name, but I think it should be obvious.

"Wwhat?"

"Uh..."

"Is that all you havve to say?" you ask in a tone that is more annoyed than amused.

"I just, really don't, uh, want to die, okay? Um..."

It doesn't make a lot of sense why you'd even _want_ to kill him. No sentient being has set foot on this god-awful place within the past 48 hours, no matter how much you've begged everybody else. So you don't remember this guy - but he came here, didn't he? No, you will absolutely not kill him.

But you're not about to just drop to your knees and grovel at his feet, either. No, you are ERIDAN FUCKING AMPORA, and you will definitely not let yourself stoop to that level, even if it's for a desperately needed companion on this shithole planet. But you're not going to kill him.

Still, you won't just let him off that easily...

**_PCHOOOOOOOOOOOO!_ **

"That wwas a wwarnin' shot,"

"I think I'm blind now,"

"Oh don't be so dramatic," you scoff, rolling your eyes. Then you hear the sound of angels cry in the distance. You adjust your shades.

"Come on," you say to the land dweller, who is still on the floor, "Get up,"

"I can't,"

"Quit bein' a stubborn asshole," you snap impatiently.

"No, I mean I...really can't...because my legs don't work," he explains.

Oh...right. Yes, that makes sense. And now you feel a bit like a tool and you don't know why.

"Great, just fuckin' great. Wwell, I wwas hopin' you'd be a promisin' ally an' help me fight off angels, but..." you are about to go off on a tirade, but you kind of trail off when you realize he is literally the only person who was kind enough to come here to the scenic Land of Wrath and Angels, when literally no one else has within the past 48 hours. And also, that you feel more like a bit of a tool.

Really, no wonder nobody likes you. You facepalm at your own pathetic existence.

"Uh...to be honest, I uh, mostly don't want to fight...and someone already tried to...kill me and, uh...ugh I'm not explaining this very well..."

Just then, an angel comes crashing in through the hole in your ceiling. You retrieve your STRIFE SPECIBUS from your sylladex and fire Ahab's Crosshairs directly at it, and watch it burn for a full minute of writhing agony. And then, the angel crumples in a heap, a charred husk of its former self. 

"Uh..."

"Wwelcome to hell, land dwweller," you mutter, "Just glad you're wwillin' to help me out,"

"Wait, what? I don't even know you, and uh, I never wanted to...to fight, or anything like that,"

"Wwait, wwhy the hell wwould you evven be here in the first place?"

"I...I didn't mean to come here. It just, uh, happened. I was, running away..." he looks down at his useless feet, "And um, I just, want to go now, seeing as I don't have a reason, to be here,"

Oh God. NO. No, this is not happening. You're scared of being left alone AGAIN when you felt you had the slightest glimmer of hope, that the only chance at a companion is about to leave right this second...and your angry. Life for you has been a neverending shitstorm of pain and misery and the whole universe fucking with you. 

You clutch his shoulder and flash him a look that could terrify all beings. 

"Listen up, fudgeblood," you snarl at him, "The last person wwho wwants to be here is me, an' I don't givve an anglin' FUCK that you stumbled here by accident. This hellhole is my planet, an' I ain't lettin' you just up and go because you're soilin' yourself in fear,"

"I...I'm...not okay with this..." he stammers.

And you are not making this guy like you. You sigh.

"Okay, you knoww...I...listen, can I start ovver? I knoww that this place isn't exactly ideal, and...that you're scared, but so am I dammit! But if you promise to stay I...I wwill defend you wwith my owwn LIFE if I havve to. I promise not to let you die, alright? Wwhat do you say?"

"Uh...well, I still get the feeling, that I don't have much say in the matter..."

"Aww come on, please?"

Okay, you did promise yourself that you would not stoop to begging this guy for help. Well, so much for that, because you are on your knees in supplication and you are giving him the most pathetic-looking puppy eyes you can. You've forgotten all about that promise entirely. Not that you care.

He winces before saying, "Okay,"

"Thank you so much! You're not gonna regret this I swwear!" 

Aw, who ever would've guessed you'd smile? It actually looks very cute. Not that the other guy notices, because he's being smothered in a tight hug.

"So...you're a fish troll?"

"You _just_ noticed that?"

"My eyes weren't working, until just now,"

"Oh my God, you really did go blind,"

"Heh, kinda..."

Another incredibly awkward span of silence befalls the scene, during which time you are STILL hugging the shit out of the brownblood. It's probably a subconscious attempt to keep him from leaving you, even though you know he cannot walk and it's not like he'll fly off if you let go of him, but you are afraid of him just floating off and leaving you sad and alone again. Also, he actually is pretty huggable. But still, this is awkward. One of you has to say something.

"Uhh..."

"Hey..."

You very quickly pull back from him, but still keep a hand on his shoulder, until he looks at your hand a bit uncomfortably. Okay seriously, that's super creepy. You let go of his shoulder.

"So..." you sigh.

"Um, okay, since we are, becoming acquainted with one another, and such, and since I guess I'll also be spending a lot of time with you, I think, that we should introduce ourselves,"

What.

"Is this really necessary?"

"I think so," he says sheepishly.

"Wwell fine, wwhatevver," you roll your eyes. You stand up and swish your cape out behind you. "Name's Eridan Ampora, member a the nautical aristocracy, an' descendent of Orphaner Dualscar, seasoned FLARP champion, and a veritable expert in the truest a wwhite sciences,"

You are a fucking badass.

"I'm Tavros Nitram," he says.

"Alright, I humored you an' told you wwho I am,"

"Hi Eridan,"

"Can wwe please stop shitting around in my block already? Does the threat of wwrathful angels bombardin' you on all sides call you to action in any wway?"

"Oh yes, I'm...sorry. But uh, I need to get my, rocket chair, out of the...wall...um, if that's at all possible,"

He indicates where his mobility apparatus is, and sure enough, he's pointing at a flame-painted red car that is jammed deep in the wall of your block. You swear if you didn't vow undying loyalty to the little bastard, you would have culled him for this. He even knocked down a wizard statue!

After casting him a glare to terrify all beings, you storm over to the wall, and attempt to pull out his rocket chair. It should be noted that as far as sea dwellers go, you are not particularly strong. Of course, you are a lot stronger than the average land dweller by a long shot, but either way, pulling out the car isn't exactly a dip in the lagoon. But you manage. 

After this is done, you haul the stupid car over to him. Then you lift him up and sit him in the car, all before slumping against the side of it. 

"Thanks!"

"Don't mention it,"

"So I guess, this is the part where we..."

He's cut off when a shrieking blur comes charging through the ceiling straight at you both. You barely got the crosshairs out in time to shoot it.

After the tedious minute of annoying shrieks and cries of pain, you stop sustaining fire to see the charred husk of an angel drop to the floor of your block. It's not exactly convenient, having to look out for two lives instead of just one, that one being yours, but you'll do anything to not be alone. No, that's almost too much to consider. You still wish the brownblood would be able to pull his weight around somehow...

"Come on, Tav," you say, "Some angels are about to fall,"

It's strained, you both are aware of that. Neither of you is entirely thrilled at being with the other. You just want any sentient being you can talk to just so you don't go off the deep end of despair and start killing your friends, and he...would rather not be inches from death. You kind of think he's a coward, and that he really needs to toughen up a bit, but still, he'll do. After all, he's agreeable enough, and he seems nice, if a bit socially awkward. You certainly wouldn't mind fending off foes for him - so long as he proves to have SOME kind of ability. Well, maybe you'll focus on that later. For now, you will show him the STORM OF YOUR LOYALTY and defend him with your life. This land dweller doesn't know how lucky he is.

==>Be Tavros.

This guy is...alright. You think he's kind of cool, even if you think he tries too hard. You also feel a little pity for him, because he seems pretty lonely. You can deal with the fact that he's kind of snotty, at least if he doesn't do it all the time. And of course, you appreciate the fact that he's willing to defend you, but you would personally rather put your powers of bestial communion to use on these angels, instead of killing them all. After all, they seem to be more scared of the fishy troll than he is of them. But that'll come later. However, even if he's promised to keep you alive, you still really REALLY don't want to be here right now. It's bright. It's scary. It's full of wrathful angels. 

And also, you are thinking about _her_ right now. Just wondering if she's okay...

...and not about to manipul8 you into coming back to her.

==>Be Vriska.

He's gone. The little coward is long gone. You're so mad.

At yourself mostly. You think now that it was all a very silly idea. 

You honestly tried to be red with him. After all, Tavros couldn't handle your special kind of h8 for him, and once you found out Kanaya was flushed for him, you decided not to pull any punches. You cut off all ties and blocked her; then, you channeled all your affections toward Tavros into red. All of the affections. All of them.

Okay, so maybe mind-controlling him throughout most of the ordeal was far from one of your proudest moments. You basically spent thirty-five hours trying to make him come around, since he was aware all the while. You tried a Pupa Pan RP; you tried some redrom snogging; you tried a couple of other things that you'd rather not try doing again. The one escapade involving grubsauce was a freaking disaster. 

But in the end, you had a plan; you took him to his quest bed and told him you had to kill him. It was only for the sake of reviving him with his legs working again, since you were A8SOLUTELY POSITIVE he'd fall for you on the spot after that. But all it got you was smacked in the head with his stupid monster-horns.

You have worst of luck.

You just hope he's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this sure was late. Sorry about that; I'm in college.  
> I will try to post Chapter 4 on time with a deadline of March 5. The 5th of every month is the deadline. Don't expect me to meet it all the time.


End file.
